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 BBS: The Cutting Edge!
Date: 09-18-95 (23:10)             Number: 438066
From: ICARUS                       Refer#: 436549
  To: COCL                          Recvd: NO  
Subj: LIFE (Living with Death)       Conf: (72) Nirvana
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O>IC>when the events occured.  When I have discussed these events with people
CO>IC>on different occasion many have told me that they found it disrespectful
CO>IC>to not attend your own family members funerals.  I disagree.  I know
CO>IC>that they would rather I remember them for the wonderful people that
CO>IC>they were and not for what they became.  My grandmother had become

CO>   I've long held the opinion that funerals are not for the dead...they
CO>are for the living.  I've been to many in my lifetime that have turned
CO>into wonderful, happy, laughing times of "remembering when" about the
CO>deceased.  Unfortunately, weddings and funerals are the only time you'll
CO>ever see many of your relatives.  They have also been times to share
CO>with other folks who are feeling the same sense of pain and loss as you
CO>are....sorta letting you know you aren't alone in how/what you feel.

CO>   Disrespectful to the dead not to go?  No.  To the living left behind?
CO>Perhaps.

To the living left behind? Hmmmm, Personally I would consider it a
strength to be able to undestand and support anothers wish to rememeber
in their own way without placing my needs upon their own. But thats just
me.
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 BBS: The Cutting Edge!
Date: 09-16-95 (17:49)             Number: 435617
From: ICARUS                       Refer#: 435073
  To: SCOTTY J.                     Recvd: NO  
Subj: LIFE (Living with Death)       Conf: (72) Nirvana
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I find that I feel the same was as you.  I have yet to attend any
funeral though ask by many, including the funeral for my grandmother as
well as my uncle, who comitted suicide.  Both were in very bad states
when the events occured.  When I have discussed these events with people
on different occasion many have told me that they found it disrespectful
to not attend your own family members funerals.  I disagree.  I know
that they would rather I remember them for the wonderful people that
they were and not for what they became.  My grandmother had become
senile and didn't know me from the postman.  My uncle had been diagnosed
with cirrhosis of the liver as well as emphysema, was an alcoholic and
couldnt hold a job due to his very poor health.  I know in my heart that
they agree with my decision to not attend their funerals.  I dont feel
it necessary to pay homage to an empty shell of a person buit rather to
the spirit of that person which is made up of all that they ever were as
well as all the memories that I hold of them.  In any event I applaud
you for your frank and candid post.  It was well conducted.