Hey, maybe Leland could run a D&D game for the J-man.

Leland: "Okay, you guys see a leper."

Jesus: "I clothe him.  I make my tailor proficiency check by 7."

wC: "I shoot him with my crossbow.  I roll a 19."

Leland: "Okay, Jesus clothes the leper and then wC kills him.  Next round."

Jesus: "I raise the leper from the dead."

wC: "I shoot him again.  I roll a 17."

Knight Stalker: <whispers to Leland> "While this is going on I am gonna 
pick Jesus's pocket."

Leland: <rolls dice> "Okay, the leper makes his system shock.  Jesus 
raises him, and wC kills him."

Knight Stalker: "Hey!  What about me?"

LelandL: "You feel something in his pocket and pull it out.  It looks
like a simple wooden cup."

Knight Stalker: "Now THIS is the cup of a carpenter. I throw it at the 
leper.  &%#! cheapskate messiahs!"

Shadow: Okay, you do a D4...umm, he's dead again. wC, J, you guys doing 
anything this round?"

wC: "Is there anything left to shoot?"

Shadow: "No."

wC: "Okay, I shoot Jesus then.  I roll a 20."

Jesus: "Well I'm gonna raise the leper again.  And I'm gonna turn wC's 
crossbow into a snake.  A big snake."

Shadow: "That's two actions in one round.  You can't do that."

Jesus: <rises slightly in his seat, pulls out a cellular phone> "Hang on
a sec, Shadowlord....yeah, Petey?  What's up?  How's Gate duty?  Man. 
Listen, this guy Shadowlord is giving me a hard time in some stupid D&D
game.  What's that, tell him if he knows what's good for him he'll cut me 
a little slack and avoid an eternity of constant torture? Okay."

Shadow: "Uh, I was looking in the wrong book.  You can act twice."

Jesus: "Hey, Pete, never mind...just a little misunderstanding.  But 
stay loose, I may need ya again..."

Shadow: "Okay. Jesus you raise the leper, but wC goes before you and 
shoots you with the crossbow just before you turn it into a snake.  You 
take six hit points of damage."

Jesus: <picks up cell phone again and raises eyebrows meaningfully>

Shadow: "No, wait, I miscalculated. wC, you miss."

wC: "But I rolled a TWENTY!"

Shadow: "Sorry, you just barely missed.  It was close, though."

wC: "But a 20 ALWAYS HITS!  I rolled a TWENTY!"

Shadow: <grabbing wC by the his shirt lapel> "Look, crossbow boy, don't
push me!  If you shut up and take it I'll give you your own pet dragon."

wC: "Can it be a black dragon?  Can I kill things with it?  Can I have
it now?  Can I name it George?"

Shadow: <looking worriedly at the cell phone> "Yes, yes, yes, and yes."

wC: "Okay, Cool!  My new dragon breathes on Jesus."

Shadow: "Doh!"

Knight Stalker: "I pick wC's dragon's pocket."

Jesus: "I clothe wC's dragon."

Shadow: "Okay, lessee.  Jesus goes first and clothes the dragon.  Since 
he has pockets now, Knight Stalker you pick them and you find 20 silver 
pieces.  wC, your dragon breathes acid on Jesus.  Make a savinvg throw."

Jesus: "A one.  I make it."

Shadow: "No, I think a one misses."

Jesus: "No, I think it makes it."

Shadow: "No, a one always misses."

Jesus: "Well, now.  Perhaps you aren't hearing me correctly, oh
teetering-on-the-edge-of-damnation boy.  I said, I MAKE it."

Shadow: "Ulp.  Yeah, you make it.  I was looking at the wrong chart."

wC: "I've HAD IT!" <pulls out a crossbow, shoots Shadowlord, stalks off>

Knight Stalker: "Does this mean I win?  Cool!" <rifle's Shadowlord's 
clothing, pockets his wallet, and sneaks away>

Jeusus: "Not again!"  <raises Shadowlord from the dead>

Shadow: "Thanks, Jee.  Next time, pull the crossbow bolt out first though.  
I'll never get this shirt off now."

Jesus: "Sorry, man.  Hey, I gotta go...I've got some brews on ice at the
Fortress of Solitude, wanna head over there with me?"

Shadow: "Gee, uh, I kinda gotta go, too.  Ummm, I have to play my
Planets turns or something.  See ya later." <backs slowly away, then
dashes madly for his motorcycle>

Jesus: <weeps>