Forum: Classic
From: wired child                                                Msg#: 410447
  To: ** ALL **
  Re: Life With The Lions
      (Copy by Autox)

Since my roommate is spending the weekend under water (practicing for
XCOM 2, I suspect) I was placed in charge of Animal Farm. In case
you’ve lost track, Animal Farm now stands at --

     1 small cat (mine), cantankerous but not quite as stupid as I once
thought, named Henry
     1 wolf cub  kept in the backyard, named Kayleigh, who IS stupid
     5 ferrets of various sizes --
          Bullet, the oldest and largest, an ex-Cosferret and King of
the Ferrets
          Buster, almost as large as Bullet but VERY laid back
          Zeba, who recently gave birth to a litter of ferret babies,
and hates my guts
          Zilch, who is currently preggers
          Squeeasel, the newest, who will probably grow up to be a dead
ringer for Zilch
      2 humans of various sizes --
          1 small, heavily armed, somewhat manic Laird of the Manor,
Yang, who spends most of his time underwater now
          1 large, unarmed, usually tranquil UnderLaird of the Manor,
wC, who spends most of his time on the net now

My first act in charge of Animal Farm was to declare it a Social
Democracy, but the ferrets had little interest in voting in a
parliament so instead I fed them and made ready to venture out and
retrieve my Diet Coke ration.
On my way out I went to check on Kayleigh, who, as usual, was tangled
up around a bush. Kayleigh is kept on a leash in the back yard to keep
her from slobbering on neighbors, and she has made it her mission in
life to not go 5 minutes without being tangled in something. I suspect
the only way to solve this problem for good is to defoliate the back
yard. I’m SURE Yang has access to Agent Orange. But in the meantime I
detangled her yet again, where Kayleigh celebrated by assaulting my
leg. I then fed and watered her, while Kayleigh amused herself by
tangling her leash around ME.

Eventually I finished, and went looking for Henry. I let Henry roam
free now, on the theory that eventually he will discover sex and calm
down. (I don’t think it’s happened yet.). Not seeing him about, I
filled his food and water dishes and went to the car. As I walked out
front, I heard Henry yowl “MeeeeeROW!”.

I used to be somewhat distressed by Henry’s yowls until I learned what
they meant. MeeeeeROW in Henrish is  “Hey, come get me from this place
because I want to eat.” (Most of Henrish involves food in some
manner.). So I followed the MeeeeeeROW to our neighbor’s front yard,
which is fenced in. Henry stared at me expectantly.

I stared back at him. “Hey, you got in there, you can get out.”

“MeeeeeeeeeROW”

OK, OK. I get the hint. So I walk over to fence and reach over to fetch
my cat. Unfortunately the fence is too high; my arm is just barely long
enough to give Henry a good petting, which is of course what he assumes
I am there to do. I wait for him to clamber on my arm to my shoulder as
he usually does when I’m trying to type, but instead he rolls over and
awaits a belly rub.

Meanwhile I’m starting to feel like a child molester loitering at a
playground for no apparent reason, so muttering imprecations about
having to engage in breaking and entering for the sake of my stupid
cat, I pop open the fence’s gate, walk into the neighbor’s front yard,
scoop up the pliant Henry, and walk out, where he serenely jumps out of
my arms and makes for the food.

When I come back from the store, of course, Henry is back in the
neighbor’s front yard.

wC
now of course he’s on my bed playing with the sports section